Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Sometimes I hate my job

I had to seriously give myself a pep talk to do the dishes today. If there is one chore that is seriously just that--a CHORE--it's doing the dishes. UGH.
I just stormed away from the dishes in my kitchen. Well, I stormed to the fridge, poured myself a drink (cranberry juice, nothing fermented, though I probably would've drank some if I had it), grabbed some Oreos, and plopped onto the couch and watched some chef on the Food Network make her family dinner. UGH. Dishes are clearly a common issue with me, given that those first lines up there (yeah, did you read those?) were written days ago. But as dishes go, they always come back, always... And. It. SUCKS.

I've been having a pretty sucky day over all, as I did yesterday. I've been battling the same emotions again, the internal struggle of whether my worth outside the home would be greater than if I stayed here. Looking at my baby girl, I can't imagine leaving her, but this rut I keep getting stuck in is pretty miserable. I'm sure there are other moms who understand. (I hope...) I saw this commercial on tv that said something ridiculous like "When you're doing what you love, it's not work at all." I call bull-crap. *bleep*bleep*!! Lol. (Yeah, that kinda day.) Because I love being a mom, seriously!! But heck if it isn't work every single day. (Whew, this venting feels good! I actually just smiled.) And since this stay at home mom thing is a JOB, I still gotta do the dishes. *grumble*grumble*grumble* Oh, and what made things worse? I had just posted a quote above my kitchen sink, and my husband joking about it the night before over a sink full of dishes did not make my mood any better. Here's the quote:
How's that for some conviction for ya? Grrrr...
So after I finished my juice and Oreos on the couch and glared at the woman on the screen making the perfectly prepared and "oh so easy" dinner for her family, I picked up my phone and scrolled through Facebook. (You thought I was going to say I called someone, didn't you? Can I just say that social media is so pro-procrastination?!). I came across an incredibly timely post that dealt with this ongoing problem I've been having with disciplining myself. It made me simmer down a bit about my overall apathy towards my "job" as it reminded me Who I'm ultimately serving and why discipline and self-control are important. Then I got a text from a friend literally at the EXACT MOMENT I was pounding away at these keys, venting in this post. It was a link to a post from desiringgod called Don't Give Up. I saw the title in the url and immediately started crying. There it was. There was my confirmation that the Lord was not just hearing me, He was listening to me and responding to me and present with me and how incredible is that!?! Even when I'm angry and responding in my sinful way, and discouraged and hopeless and feeling like there is no way I could keep at this job, the Lord reminded me and encouraged me through His Word at just the right time that there is hope, and not to give up. So. thankful.

I can't say I'm disciplined yet or that in the one day that's passed (I wrote this post yesterday) that I always want to do the things that need to get done. I can't say when I do get stuff done I'm always doing it gladly as unto the Lord (Col. 3:23-24), but I am so glad that sanctification is a process. Every day there are new mercies (Lam. 3:22-23) and every day the Lord has been providing me with more grace (James 4:6).  Glory to Him!

Dishes are just a small part of my full time job and though in the grand scheme of things it seems to be so minor, I know my reaction to them shows the overall (bad, sinful) attitude of my heart towards this role God has placed me in. I wince just writing that, but I know that once I recognize it and surrender it to the Lord, He can then mold me into the vessel (wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, human) He desires for me to look like, because what I am now is clearly not it. I'd much rather be soft clay in the hands of God than a hardened piece that has to be broken and broken again in order to take the form He desires and that brings Him the most glory.

Well, now my baby is screaming at me, and I can only assume that her attempts to unplug the laptop are her attempt to get my full attention. Time to get back to work.
I didn't write this, and I don't know who did, but I am definitely putting THIS above my sink!! The other quote will have to find a new home. :-)

Verses and Quotes for Conviction and Encouragement

 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord you are serving.
-Colossians 3:23-24

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22-23

But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, 
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
-James 4:6

This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offereing I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done glady, if done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.
-Elisabeth Elliot

Song that Encouraged Me!
 This one's a throwback!! I love how this song reminds me that no matter where we are in the world, in our life, that God is the one who in His sovereignty, put us there! And instead of lamenting that fact we should be trying to align ourselves with His plan!!

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